> PDF Ebook Cooking with Faith: 125 Classic and Healthy Southern Recipes, by Faith Ford

PDF Ebook Cooking with Faith: 125 Classic and Healthy Southern Recipes, by Faith Ford

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Cooking with Faith: 125 Classic and Healthy Southern Recipes, by Faith Ford

PDF Ebook Cooking with Faith: 125 Classic and Healthy Southern Recipes, by Faith Ford

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Beloved comic actress Faith Ford puts a fresh and healthy new spin on down-home cooking with 125 updated Southern classics and traditional favorites cooked by three generations of her family.

You wouldn't know it by looking at her -- either during her years as Corky Sherwood on CBS's Murphy Brown or now on her hit ABC comedy Hope & Faith -- but Faith Ford loves to eat.

Growing up in Pineville, Louisiana, Faith learned how to cook the great Southern classics from her mother and grandmother: Old-Fashioned Smothered Chicken, Mom's Smoky Beef Brisket, Southern-Style Fried Catfish, Cora's Skillet Candied Sweet Potatoes, Snap Beans and New Potatoes, Buttermilk Biscuits, Fluffy Lemon Icebox Pie, and more.

Then, at age seventeen, she left Pineville for a modeling and acting career in New York City and later Los Angeles. She longed for the comforting foods of home but sought to adapt them to match her new, California, health-conscious sensibility. Thus began a lifetime of experimentation in the kitchen, developing healthier versions of foods from her childhood by cooking with olive oil; incorporating loads of vegetables -- staples on the family farm in Louisiana -- into every meal; oven-frying; and using chopped fresh herbs for maximum flavor. The delicious results -- Golden Crispy Oven-Fried Chicken; Broiled Red Snapper with Olives, Onions, and Tomatoes; Grilled Veggie Po' Boys; Dilled Egg White Salad; Green Beans Braised with Balsamic Vinegar and Soy Sauce; Asparagus with Tarragon Vinaigrette; Peaches-n-Creamy Shake; and Sweet Summer Melon-Mint Salad -- regularly wow friends in Los Angeles and have even won over Mom and the folks back home.

An inspired combination of the best of both worlds -- the homespun, heirloom dishes Faith grew up on (because every once in a while you need to indulge and only the "real thing" will do) and her own healthier, more modern versions and creations -- Cooking with Faith is also about the bonds that grow between family and friends as they spend time together in the kitchen. After all, says Faith, "well-made food is an experience. It's about taking pride in what you eat. It's a remedy for an increasingly fast-food-reliant society -- I mean, how can you be that much in a hurry?"

• Sales Rank: #2418791 in Books
• Brand: Brand: Scribner
• Published on: 2007-07-01
• Released on: 2007-07-01
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Dimensions: 9.25" h x 1.00" w x 7.50" l, 1.19 pounds
• Binding: Paperback
• 285 pages

Features

• Used Book in Good Condition

Review
Kelly Ripa

ABC TV's "Hope & Faith" and "LIVE with Regis and Kelly"

Faith's recipes are delicious, impressive, yet easy to understand. This book is perfect for cooks who want new, great dishes or for people who, like me, just want to learn to cook!

Candice Bergen, from the foreword

When Faith and I started working on "Murphy Brown," she was very young but she knew two things: She knew how to act and she knew how to cook. As I am a die-hard eater, it was her cooking that really got my attention...sumptuous-looking, delicious-smelling, mouth-watering, my-mama-taught-me meals.

About the Author
Melissa Clark is the author of thirty-two cookbooks, including her latest, Cook This Now.  She is a New York Times food columnist, and her work has also appeared in Food & Wine, Gilt Taste, and other publications.

Candice Bergen’s film credits include The Sand Pebbles, Carnal Knowledge, Starting Over (for which she received an Oscar nomination), and Miss Congeniality. On television, she made headlines as the tough-talking broadcast journalist and star of Murphy Brown, for which she won five Emmys and two Golden Globes. She later starred with James Spader and William Shatner in the critically acclaimed series Boston Legal.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
Introduction

When people first meet me, they think it's a novel idea that I'm an actress who cooks. But I've been cooking for longer than I've been acting. Growing up in the small town of Pineville, Louisiana, I was the shy and scrawny kid (even though I ate like a pig) who disappeared into the wall. Since I wasn't particularly outgoing, I guess I found my way to popularity by learning to cook at a young age. People always like someone who bakes a killer brownie, or invites you over for a homemade meal.

I learned how to make my first recipe when I was about eight years old. It was purple hull peas, cooked until they're soft with a little bit of bacon. If you've never had them, purple hull peas are related to black-eyed peas but the pea is greener. My maternal grandparents, Larry and Cora Walker, grew them on their farm, and my grandma Cora and my mother, Pat Ford, made them for me ever since I was a baby. So I loved them from when I was old enough to chew (or even before -- my mother says she craved them when she was pregnant with me!). But there was one thing I always noticed: my grandmother made hers a little bit better than my mother did.

One summer when my sister and I came home after spending a couple of weeks with my grandma Cora, I said, "Mama, I think you need a new stove." When she asked why, I said, "Well, your stove just doesn't cook purple hull peas like Grandma Cora's stove."

My mother laughed. "Well," she said, "I don't think it's the stove. I think it's the way Grandma Cora makes those peas. I tell you what, the next time you go over to Grandma Cora's, I want you to watch her like a hawk. And when you come home you can be in charge of making the peas from now on. So you have to learn how to make them just like she makes them."

And I did.

That's how it started. I discovered that I loved to cook, and that I was good at it, too. As a teenager I would spend hours watching Julia Child and her local Pineville equivalent, Mildred Swift, on television. I was fascinated by the way Julia kind of bumbled around until she came up with something great. I could relate. For me cooking was always about finding my way in the kitchen, trying out new ideas until I found one that worked. Then it became part of my repertoire.

But even before all that, I had learned the basics from my mother and grandmother, like how to assemble your ingredients and do the prep work before you start cooking. My grandmother was an amazing cook and my mother and her sister, my aunt Brenda, still are. Not that they would cook anything fancy, just good, old-fashioned, homey food -- Southern-style, naturally, since we lived in the South. They didn't use written recipes, they simply cooked from their souls.

In addition to giving me their vintage recipes, my mother and grandmother taught me about all the little details and techniques that go not just into making a dish, but into making it special. Even toast could be special. I make toast the way my grandma used to. She never had a pop-up toaster, so she'd use a toaster oven or broiler, toast the bread a little bit, spread butter on it, and put it back in, so that when you took it out it had little pools of butter on the top. It's amazing toast. To this day only a toaster oven or broiler will do for me. That same care and attention makes everything a little more delicious, even if it's as simple as spreading the mayonnaise out to the corners of the crust when you make a sandwich, or standing and stirring, not walking off, when you make brown gravy.

Another thing I learned from my family was how to eat balanced, healthful meals. This may surprise you if you think that all Southern cooking is heavy and fat-and-carbohydrate based. And while we certainly ate plenty of the traditional dishes like chicken and dumplings, roast beef po' boys, gumbo with andouille sausages, and all those heavenly Southern desserts like pecan pie and banana pudding, we also loved vegetables, and made them a large part of every meal.

My grandma and grandpa Walker had a farm and my parents a garden, so we grew our own mustard and turnip greens, squash, cabbage, peas, okra, and tomatoes. There was little we didn't grow. My dad, Charles, and his parents, Grandpa Dewey and Grandma Bernice Ford, grew a special kind of speckled green beans -- Grandpa Ford was so proud of those. We always had fresh corn from my Grandpa Walker's farm -- we helped harvest it each year. And there were so many purple hull peas that my sister and I would stain our fingers lilac having pea-shelling contests. Whoever won got a nickel or an extra dessert, which seemed like a big haul at the time!

In the heart of summer, our meals were based around our home-grown fruits and vegetables. With breakfast biscuits there were homemade fig preserves with figs from Grandma Walker's three huge fig trees, and peaches from her peach trees. At lunch we'd have purple hull peas, of course, and greens simmered until falling-apart tender, creamed corn, fried okra, cornbread, and fresh sliced tomatoes, with peach ice cream for dessert. I never forgot the way those tomatoes tasted. It's the kind of thing you hang on to.

All of it is. Once you know what it's like to eat meals made with love and care, and plenty of homegrown fresh fruits and vegetables, you'll find a way to keep doing it.

I did, even when I moved to New York City at the age of seventeen. I moved there to model for the summer and make money for school, but it didn't work out that way. I ended up taking acting classes and working commercially, and, at the same time, cooking more than ever. Auditioning and running around the city can wear you down, and I would find myself coming home from a stressful day and chopping vegetables. The meditative aspects of cooking helped me relax. It was comforting. So I'd cook up a beef stew or a big vegetable soup or pot of greens. I don't know who I thought was going to eat all that food, and I'd end up feeding all my roommates and inviting friends over. Sharing food is a great way to create bonds with people.

In New York I was exposed to a lot of other influences when I went out to eat. We never really went to restaurants when I was growing up. Sure, there was barbecue and pizza and things like that. But going out to dinner in New York opened my eyes. If I had a dish I liked at a restaurant, I would try to memorize its flavors and re-create it at home. I still do that today.

After four years in New York, I moved to Los Angeles and continued working and taking acting classes, and cooking, of course. I would use my cooking skills to bribe people to come over to my house to rehearse so I didn't have to schlep out to theirs. I also would cater our showcases -- where we would perform for agents, managers, and casting directors. I guess I thought if I didn't get an acting job I could get some kind of cooking job from it. But eventually, I did get an acting job -- the role of Corky on Murphy Brown.

For me, working steadily didn't mean giving up cooking. I'd make food for people on the set all the time. I would prepare my breakfast -- maybe a scooped-out bagel filled with egg white salad and tomatoes -- and when I sat down to read through the script Candice Bergen would say, "Well, that looks really good. Can I have one?" So I would make her one, too. Once on the set of a movie I even found myself in the catering truck, teaching the caterer to make a giant pot of authentic Louisiana gumbo! Food and cooking may not have been part of the script, but they were always on my mind.

It was in Los Angeles that my own cooking style started to develop. That's when I began experimenting, and making the traditional recipes I grew up with a little lighter. As an actress, I had to keep fit. I started using olive oil in things instead of lard or bacon, just to see what would happen. That's how I adapted my mother's Sizzlin' Salad. She always made it with bacon grease, which is delicious. But I thought, what if I try making this with olive oil? And it worked! That was just the beginning.

But always, at the heart of my cooking style are my mother and grandmother's treasured dishes. I never go long without making something of theirs. But I also continue to update and lighten them so they fit into my lifestyle in Los Angeles. It's probably in part because of the culture I live in now, but I find that I care more each day about what I put into my body. Striving to eat healthfully means keeping my cooking really clean, simple, and natural.

I don't go overboard. As with my family's meals during my childhood, balance is what I look for. Let's face it, if I'm going to have fried catfish, I'm going to have fried catfish. Sometimes I'll make oven-fried catfish, which is less messy and a little healthier, but there are times when only deep-fried catfish will do. So I'll serve it on a bed of greens and to me, the vegetables balance the meal. And maybe I'll eat a little less catfish because the greens filled me up. It's a real change from the all-you-can-eat catfish places I went to as a kid, where the fried fish was served with hush puppies and potato logs and then you might have a little bit of coleslaw and some pickles. I do things differently now.

Whenever I can, I make healthy substitutions, and I always try to use fresh ingredients. I don't cook my greens to death anymore like we used to. It takes eight to ten minutes to cook mustard and turnip greens, whereas we used to cook them for hours. And we used salt pork. Now I rely on turkey sausage, turkey bacon, and turkey tasso. Where I can, I cook with olive oil or vegetable oil instead of lard, and add butter as a flavoring at the end of cooking.

All of this keeps my cooking a little bit more healthful, but still fulfilling and delicious.

And that is the philosophy behind Cooking with Faith.

This book is about the way I cook now -- a combination of the homespun, heirloom dishes I grew up with, and my own lighter, healthier, more modern versions and creations. It's also about the relationships in my family, as I've cooked and adapted family recipes. We continue to learn from each other in the kitchen and my mom shares her opinions in the "Mom Says" notes throughout the book. There is food here for anyone, and anytime, whether you feel like making my grandmother's fabulous peach cobbler, my mother's meat loaf with brown mushroom gravy, or my warm chicken salad with field greens and hot-and-sweet pecans. I want to encourage daughters who might not cook to try to with their mom or their mom's mom. I think women have so much to gain from cooking together, especially moms and daughters.

But as much as it's about what I love to cook, Cooking with Faith is also about helping others tap into a way of cooking that is simple yet full of flavor and feeling. This kind of cooking is timely because we've gotten away from the traditions that I learned growing up. Well-made food is an experience. It's about taking pride in what you eat. It's a remedy for an increasingly fast food-reliant society -- I mean, how can you be that much in a hurry?

As I've learned through the years, meals don't need to be extravagant, just made with love. I hope this book shows people that even basic, homey food is excellent if you pay attention to details. Cooking and sharing my recipes is a way of preserving something that was important to me in my formative years, something that I know every cook will understand. It's not the fanciest cooking in the world, but whether it's a steaming bowl of grits, a crisp salmon cake, or a fluffy slice of lemon pie, it tastes so much better -- and means so much more -- when you take the time and the care to do it right.

Text and family photographs copyright © 2004 by Faith Ford

Most helpful customer reviews

7 of 7 people found the following review helpful.
Cooking with Faith
By Nickie Jay
My favorite cookbook, too. I ordered the book the same morning Faith was on the Today show, as the spread of food looked soooooooo good, and Faith was so comfortable with her presentation. Since then, I have also bought a 12 inch iron skillet and 7Qt iron dutch oven just to use with her recipes! I have read the entire book forward and backward for the anecdotes and cooking tips, which I can adapt to all of my cooking. Three Hens Cornbread Dressing is a recipe I have looked for all my life - can't wait for Thanksgiving. A delicious book, and a lovely author.

15 of 17 people found the following review helpful.
A Great Cookbook With Heart !!
By A. Tackett
I couldn't wait to order this book because I'm a big fan of Faith Ford's. I wasn't disappointed! This book has heart, warmth and wonderful recipes. My mother-in-law is also a good southern cook and many of these recipes struck a familiar chord with me. The food here is truly delicious and the ultimate "comfort food" that we all crave - plus, as Faith demonstrates, it doesn't have to be fattening or unhealthy. I also love the format of the book. Filled with Faith's family anecdotes, photos and stories, they are wonderful touches and add a personal warmth. Candice Bergen's "Forward" was also a nice surprise, and I agree that Faith should diversify into other books on home decor, entertaining, style, etc... Faith has always seemed so refreshing, not your "typical" celebrity. She obviously cherishes home, family, friends, and the things that really matter. If you love cookbooks, this one will be a great addition to your kitchen!

0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Secrets Are Shared
By Geneva Mae Lewis
The author shares her family recipes with generosity. The recipes for skillet cornbread, applesauce cake, and cornbread dressing make it worth the purchase price alone. This book can make you excited about cooking again if you are feeling uninspired, and I enjoyed the personal stories throughout. It's clear that a great deal of attention went into this book, and every effort is made to ensure success. I have made probably a dozen of the recipes, and only one went into the garbage. I am an extremely picky eater, so I would consider this the highest praise! Thank you for sharing your secrets of Southern cooking!

See all 16 customer reviews...

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## Download Blind Faith: The Miraculous Journey of Lula Hardaway, Stevie Wonder's Mother, by Dennis Love, Stacy Brown

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Blind Faith: The Miraculous Journey of Lula Hardaway, Stevie Wonder's Mother, by Dennis Love, Stacy Brown

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Hardship, sacrifice, determination, and ultimate triumph are the elements that make up Blind Faith, the frank and compelling biography of Lula Hardaway, mother of superstar musician and singer Stevie Wonder. Written with her full cooperation and participation, this is the first ever authorized look into the life of the woman who gave birth to and nurtured one of America's greatest musicians/songwriters -- and the struggles that preceded his rise to fame and fortune.

To say that Lula Hardaway did not have an easy life is an understatement. It was a constant struggle for self-esteem and emotional survival. Yet survive she did -- a motherless child born in a sharecropper's shack in Alabama, she was passed from relative to relative, unwanted and, for the most part, unloved. As a teenager she was sent to Chicago, where she met a much older man whom she eventually married. Unfortunately, her life then took an even darker turn as he abused her and forced her to work as a prostitute. Determined to build a better life for her children, she started hiding money away, and one day successfully made her escape to Detroit.

One of her sons, Stevland Judkins, was blind from infancy. Although he presented special challenges, Lula noticed from the outset that this little boy impressed everyone he met with his outgoing personality, his intelligence, charm, and resourcefulness -- and his incredible musical talent. By age ten, he was playing and singing gospel tunes in church, and then joining adults singing rhythm and blues on the street corners of Detroit.

Eventually, word of this young phenomenon reached Berry Gordy, who was just beginning to establish himself as a creative force in Detroit's thriving music scene. Gordy dubbed the boy Little Stevie Wonder, and launched him into musical history when he signed him to his Motown label.

Stardom didn't come that easily -- there was the question of what material was best for Stevie, and then the question of what would happen to the twelve-year-old boy's voice when he reached puberty. Fortunately, the voice that emerged was even more musical and more captivating than it had been. Great care was taken in choosing his next projects and the result was a succession of top 10 -- and several number 1 -- hits.

By age twenty-one, Stevie had attained greater control of his career and finances by negotiating a new contract with Motown, which gave him complete control over the songs he recorded. What followed was a string of chart-topping albums and some of the most memorable popular music to come from the second half of the last century.

Through it all, Stevie Wonder never failed to credit his mother. When Innervisions won a Grammy award for Album of the Year in 1973, he refused to accept the award unless Lula would walk with him to the podium. He clutched his mother in front of the auditorium and in front of the millions of people watching on television, proclaiming, "Her strength has led us to this place."

Indeed, it was her strength and her belief in herself and in her sons that brought them to that place, to the very heights of success. It was her drive and her willingness to sacrifice the now for the future -- plus her abiding belief in God -- that saw them through. Blind Faith is not only the story of the birth of a superstar but also a stirring testament to a mother's love and determination and a frank and uncompromising look at how one woman's attempt to better her children's lives led to a lasting gift to the world.

• Sales Rank: #1382693 in Books
• Brand: Brand: Simon Schuster
• Published on: 2007-09-20
• Released on: 2007-09-20
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Dimensions: 9.00" h x .70" w x 6.00" l, .94 pounds
• Binding: Paperback
• 288 pages

Features

• Used Book in Good Condition

Amazon.com Review
For those interested in the hardscrabble story behind Stevie Wonder, this authorized biography fleshes out some of the facts available elsewhere. This often entertaining book takes the sporadically successful tack of telling Wonder's story largely from the point of view of Lulu Hardaway, Wonder's mother. Beginning with her migration from the backwoods of Alabama to prostitution and poverty in the Northeast, the book then shifts gears to Wonder's struggle from 11-year-old prodigy and dutiful Motown employee to the creator of influential classics such as Music of My Mind, Innervisions, and Songs in the Key of Life.

In Blind Faith Wonder comes off as an inexhaustible worker undaunted by his blindness--as well as a loving son, a prankster, and a womanizer. Although he has never surpassed his artistic peak of the '70s, this book glosses over the past 20 years, offering a paean to his philanthropy and perfectionism instead. More input from the reticent Wonder would have made Blind Faith a more compelling read; instead, Hardaway's story dominates. Although well-written, fans would be better served by a biography that tells Wonder's story in a less digressive fashion. --Valerie Gregory

From Publishers Weekly
Love and Brown, two freelance journalists, based this rambling account of the rock 'n' roll legend on interviews they conducted with Wonder and Hardaway, both of whom cooperated with this bio. Blind since birth, Steveland Judkins (born in 1952) was a musical prodigy who, as a child, played for coins on the street. By the time he was 10, he had mastered the harmonica, piano, organ and drums without taking a lesson. After moving with his family to Detroit, he was introduced to Berry Gordy of Motown Records, who signed him to a record contract and nicknamed him "Little Stevie Wonder." After his first big hit, "Fingertips Part Two," Wonder continued to produce hits for Motown until he was 21, when he negotiated a contract that gave him artistic freedom. The authors accurately portray Wonder's amazing musical ability, but they offer little insight into their subject's character other than stressing his good nature and commitment to social causes. More engrossing is their treatment of Hardaway, who was deserted by her parents and endured a childhood marked by poverty and abuse. Calvin Judkins, her husband and father of their children (including Stevie), drank, beat his wife, and forced her into prostitution in order to feed her family. She finally was able to extricate herself from this relationship and support her three children by finding a job that was low paying, but above the board. Love and Brown describe how Wonder greatly improved his mother's life after he became successful, but, unfortunately, they essentially end their account with Wonder's recovery from a 1973 automobile accident.
Copyright 2002 Cahners Business Information, Inc.

From Library Journal
Based on interviews with Stevie Wonder and his mother, Lula Hardaway, this "virtually autobiographical" account of a single mother and her blind son's struggles in Detroit's 1960s ghettos will leave a bad taste in readers' mouths. As the world over knows, Motown Records founder Berry Gordy signed the preteen Wonder in 1961, propelling him into fame and fortune. At first the label's leading teen star, he went on to become an electrofunk pioneer and political activist. Journalists Love and Brown recognize the poignancy of Wonder's story and milk it for all it's worth, using conjecture rather than quotes from their subjects and hence giving the book a sensational feel. It is difficult to imagine that the authors could have effectively surmised what was spoken between Hardaway and Wonder 40 years ago. Unfortunately, in their hands the power of Wonder's story is lost. John Swenson did a more thorough job with the same material in Stevie Wonder. Not recommended. Caroline Dadas, Hickory Hills, IL
Copyright 2002 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Most helpful customer reviews

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful.
Great read but too little about Lulu after Stevie's success
By W. Durant
I am almost done with Blind Faith. It's a fast book to get through and was well written by two journalists. At times, the writing style reads more like a magazine article than a biography, which took me some time to get used to. But after a while, I could rarely put it down.
The story about Lulu Hardaway is very inspiring for struggling single parents and parents of children with so called disabilities. The book gives a great lesson on post World War II Black history. My only issue is that the second half of the book is basically the Motown story that I've read about so often. I did not mind the history lesson because I enjoy reading about developments in American music, which Motown played an important part.
In the book, Lulu's story fades to a point where we learn little about how her life developed as Stevie Wonder became famous. I did not learn how Lulu and Stevie's relationship was affected by his fame or what happened in the lives of her other children. It's almost as if she did not have much to talk about post Stevie's fame, or maybe Stevie and her lost touch due to his constant music career traveling.
The book is well written, interesting and entertaining. I applaude Stevie's life. It would have been interesting if the book was written by Stevie himself, or from his perspective.

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful.
Amazing story of Stevie Wonder AND his mother
By Blaine Greenfield
Loved  the taped version of BLIND FAITH: THE MIRACULOUS
JOURNEY OF LULA HARDAWAY, STEVIE WONDER'S MOTHER
by Dennis Love and Stacy Brown . . . it is an authorized biography
of Wonder and his mother, based on interviews with the both
of them.
I had listened to Wonder's music over the years, but did not know
too much about his background . . . how he achieved the
success that he did is nothing short of amazing, especially
given his blindness.
He comes across as a talented worker not fazed by his blindness,
along with being a loving son, a prankster and a womanizer . . . his
mother's tale of devotion was particularly moving, though I would
have liked to have heard more about what happened to her
after her son's success . . . I'm also curious as to what
happened to his brothers since very little information is given
about them.
The narration by Viola Davis was excellent; so much so, in fact,
that I want to find more about her . . . I'll be curious to find out if
she has read other books and/or appeared on screen.

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful.
Loved It
By thesavvybamalady
I enjoyed this book. So much so that I read it within one sitting. It was just that good. SO good that I wanted more info. It was good to know the REAL deal about Stevie's early life and about Lula, who really went through some ordeals. I loved the aunt who took her in but her "good" husband the "Deacon" was an out and out hypocrite. I just lost respect for him. Her 1st husband(Stevie's father) wasn't much better either. I understood her feelings when Stevie was about to be signed with Motown. You could understand why she wanted to not give him the opportunity, because of her own insecurities and limitations, yet, despite her own misgivings, she overcame them and allowed her son to become one of the most beloved musical genuises living on the planet today. My only gripe with the book is what became of the other five children she had. What did they do with their lives?? And why did they rush so much at the end with Lula's life? I would have loved to hear more though I understand one's right to privacy. All in all, a good book.

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From #1 New York Times bestselling author Kresley Cole comes a spellbinding standalone novel set in the Immortals After Dark universe: the story of a demon king trapped by an enchantress for her wanton purposes—and the scorching aftermath that follows when he turns the tables and claims her as his captive.

His obsession…

Sabine, Sorceress of Illusions: the evil beauty who surrenders her body, but not her heart.

Her downfall…

Rydstrom Woede: the ruthless warrior who vows to keep her at all costs.

They were never supposed to want each other this much...

With each smoldering encounter, their shared hunger only increases. If they can defeat the sinister enemy that stands between them, will Sabine make the ultimate sacrifice for her demon? Or will the proud king lay down his crown and arms to save his sorceress?

• Sales Rank: #65878 in Books
• Brand: Cole, Kresley
• Published on: 2009-01-20
• Released on: 2009-01-20
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Dimensions: 6.75" h x 1.20" w x 4.19" l,
• Binding: Mass Market Paperback
• 432 pages

About the Author
*Sign up for Kresley's email newsletter to receive the latest book release updates, as well as info about contests & giveaways ( kresleycole.com/newsletter/ )
     Kresley Cole is the #1 New York Times bestselling author of the electrifying Immortals After Dark paranormal series, the young adult Arcana Chronicles series, the erotic Gamemakers Series, and five award-winning historical romances.
     A master's grad and former athlete, she has traveled over much of the world and draws from those experiences to create her memorable characters and settings. 
     Her IAD books have been translated into eighteen foreign languages, garnered three RITA awards, and consistently appear on the bestseller lists, in the U.S. and abroad.
     You can learn more about her and her work at kresleycole.com or facebook.com/KresleyCole

Most helpful customer reviews

90 of 102 people found the following review helpful.
5 Bookmarks from Wild on Books!
By Natalie S
Rydstrom Woede has been fighting and searching for a way to kill Omort, the sorcerer that invaded and desecrated his castle, Castle Tornin, in the Kingdom of Rothkalina hundreds of years ago. The rightful king of demons, Rydstrom is in search of a special sword in which to behead Omort and resume his rightful place on the throne. Despite dead end after dead end Rydstrom refuses to give up his plan. He is the heir to the kingdom and he will find a way to restore honor and loyalty to his subjects. With this in mind, he continues on his wild goose chase to find the one thing guaranteed to kill Omort.

Getting a tip from his brother, Rydstrom begins his journey to their meeting place only to come face to face with a coquettish vixen. When she implores his help Rydstrom doesn't hesitate but it is only when he is fully under her spell does he realize who she is - Sabine - the Queen of Illusions and his enemy's sister. Then to add to his animosity, she captures him and places him in her dungeon, or rather, his dungeon. Rydstrom is not a happy demon and when he gets free, Sabine is going to pay. But first, he has to resist her charms and attempts at seduction. And that is something that he definitely does not want to do.

The minute I finished reading Dark Desires After Dusk, I envisioned Rydstrom's story, KISS OF A DEMON KING, as being pivotal to this series and I knew without a doubt that it would be a story worthy of this illustrious and very noble demon king. I love when I am correct because KISS OF A DEMON KING was extraordinary.

Having lost his home hundreds of years ago to the foulness of Omort, Rydstrom spent the next years of his long life trying to find the one thing that was deadly to this wicked sorcerer. But through it all, he also had visions of finding the one woman he could make his queen. A woman his people would cherish and honor as their king's consort -- a woman he would love and in turn would love him as well and raise a family with him.

Fate had a funny way of rearing its head when the powers that be chose Sabine as Ryd's mate. Not known for her niceness, Sabine has magic so potent that it can be deadly to anyone that crosses her path. Kept in line by her brother, Sabine is reliant upon Omort's good will because without it, her life would be in more danger than it already is. Capturing Rydstrom is one thing, falling in love with him is another and Sabine fights with her almost non-existent conscience every step of the way.

KISS OF A DEMON KING is full of magic, mayhem, sorcery and sensuality. Readers will not want to miss one word of this memorable and enchanting tale. The closer to the end I got the slower I read because I knew once the story ended I would be left craving more of this brilliant and emotionally gripping saga.

KISS OF A DEMON KING releases from Pocket on January 20, 2009. Since it is book 6 of Kresley Cole's Immortals After Dark series, I recommend reading the books in order but it is not necessary; KISS OF A DEMON KING stands alone on its own merits. It is truly one of the most amazing tales Kresley Cole has ever released.

Immortals After Dark series (in order)

Playing Easy to Get anthology, Nikolai and Myst
A Hunger Like No Other, Lachlain and Emmaline
No Rest for the Wicked, Sebastian and Kaderin
Wicked Deeds on a Winter's Night, Bowen and Mari
Dark Needs at Night's Edge, Conrad and Neomi
Dark Desires After Dusk, Cade and Holly
Kiss of a Demon King, Rydstom and Sabine

***Natalie S. for Wild on Books***

69 of 83 people found the following review helpful.
2.5 stars
By Bronwyn
'Kiss of a Demon King' has the trademarks of what I like in a paranormal romance.

Brooding hero- check
Sassy, funny heroine- check
Wilder sex scenes- check and check!
More worldbuilding and juicy insights - check

However great those seperate things are though, they did not come together fluidly .

From the get go, Sabine is introduced as being slightly cold (well dying a few times might have that effect) and having a wickedly dark sense of humor. Alright. So we anticipate the peeling back of layers to get to why she's that way, and for her to prove she is a worthy mate to the king. Sadly I didn't get that.

While I get that Cole wanted to portray an unlikely mate for Rydstrom, I don't think she made Sabine to be his equal. For one, Sabine treats Rydstrom mercilessly, and while Cole may have included a spanking scene to even the balance of power, I don't think it worked.

There was a disconnect between how I perceived Sabine, and what I believe was Cole's intent. For example when she continuously referred to Puck, the orphan demon boy as 'it'. I know it was meant to be funny, and I recognize the humor, however it does nothing to endear Sabine to me as a heroine. (Does that make sense?) Cole wanted to give Rystorm a heroine that would question himself and make him step outside the box. I just think Sabine was a bit too wild and untamed with no true heart.

Besides sexual release, and the fact that she was fated to be Rydstorms mate (something she treated lightly, in my opinion) there was actually nothing I liked about Sabine. Well her makeup and clothing sounded interesting, though I had a mental picture of a Carnival reveler (a la Brazil Carnival etc)complete with a huge headdress traipsing behind a glowering demon.

Pretty much my entire quarrel with the book is the heroine. I will recommend it since it's part of an awesome series, and you definetely must read it , but it is my least favorite so far.

40 of 48 people found the following review helpful.
It's Good to Be King
By MelissaB
Sabine, Queen of Illusions, has one main goal in life - to survive. After dying over a dozen times before being brought back to life by her sister Lanthe, who can blame a girl? Sabine and Lanthe are Sorceri who have mystickal powers but share the unfortunate distinction of being half-sisters to Omort the Deathless, the evil king of Rothkalina. Centuries ago, an oracle foretold to Omort that Sabine was the mate of Rydstrom, the demon king Omort stole Rothkalina from, and the child they would bear would unlock the untold power of the mysterious Well in Omort's court. Sabine and Lanthe are trapped in Omort's service because he gave them a poison that causes a painful death unless they continue to take it regularly and since he is the only one who possesses it, they must keep in his good graces to live.

Omort sends Sabine to capture and seduce Rydstrom when he finds out that the demon king is trying to obtain a sword that is said to be able to kill him. Sabine has her own plans for the future - she will use this demon king to get pregnant then take over the throne from Omort when her son can use the power of the Well. She is confident that Rydstrom will be seduced quickly, after all who could resist her beauty and illusions?

Rydstrom, the deposed demon king, is finally within reach of the goal he has worked toward for centuries - killing Omort and recapturing his throne. On the way to meet an accomplice in his quest, he is fooled by Sabine's illusions into stepping through a portal to a cell in the dungeon of his old castle in Rothkalina. Once there, Sabine begins her seduction of Rydstrom by getting him very excited then refusing to finish things until he promises to make her his queen. Rydstrom is very confused because this sorceress feels like his mate but there is no way fate would stick him with an evil, selfish woman - right?

Sabine continues her seduction of Rydstrom by showing him his secret fantasies with her illusions but he refuses to break because he will not have her use his child for evil. She is impressed by his strength in spite of herself but refuses to give up her plan because there is no beating Omort any other way. She eventually gets her way but Rydstrom manages to trick her into thinking he made her queen when he really vowed revenge in the demon language.

Turn about is fair play, so when Rydstrom is given a chance to escape unexpectedly from an old enemy, he kidnaps Sabine and has a chance to enact the revenge he contemplated while under her mercy in the dungeon. She is helpless without her hands, so he ties her up and shows her exactly how it feels to be brought to the brink of satisfaction again and again without relief. The longer they stay together, the more certain Rydstrom is that Sabine is his real mate. He no longer knows whether he wants revenge or to seduce Sabine to stay by his side forever. Sabine is impressed by Rydstrom's fighting skills as he wards off attacks as they make their way to a portal out of Rothkalina to New Orleans. She has never had anyone fight for her besides her sister Lanthe and finds herself impressed with his honor and strength. He proves himself to her and slowly makes his way into the heart she didn't know she had anymore after too many years spent trying to survive in Omort's cut-throat court. Rydstrom finds that Sabine is just what he needs - a woman who is unafraid to challenge him in bed and out and someone strong enough to lead his people.

Sabine and Rydstrom are a great pair. Sabine is a bit wicked but is not evil. She does what she needs to survive but does not purposely hurt people - well, not unless they come between her and gold, a Sorceri obsession. Rydstrom finds that he needs Sabine's wickedness, especially in bed. The story kept me on the edge of my seat wondering who was going to seduce who - and how do you kill an evil man who can't die? The seduction scenes were hot! Rydstrom had some wicked fantasies in his head that Sabine was more than willing to fulfill. The action was non-stop, both in the bed and out, with it all coming down to Rydstrom facing down Omort for the throne of Rothkalina, where he found out what was really important to him. There was plenty of humor in the book with some great one-liners from Nucking Futs Nix. Kiss of a Demon King was a great read with two very interesting and complex characters who find love where they least expect it. I highly recommend reading this book and the rest of the Immortals After Dark series.

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>> PDF Download Good Girl Seeks Bad Rider: Ellora's Cave, by Vonna Harper, Lena Matthews, Ruth D. Kerce

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HOW TO MAKE A VIXEN:
Mix one wholesome good girl with one very naughty boy.
Add sexy treats and satin sheets...then turn on the heat.

VONNA HARPER
Virgin Afternoon

It's been a long time since Lara had a man in her garage, but as her late husband Spence's best friend, Bryan, checks out her truck, she can't help but notice he still has that tan, athletic build from college. If she could only get her hands on his body. She needs to move on from Spence's death -- into Bryan's powerful arms, or at least into his pants. When she invites him in for a beer, she doesn't plan to let him leave -- not that he wants to. Sex with conservative Spence left a lot to the imagination, but her naughty afternoon with Bryan is one she'll never forget.

LENA MATHEWS
Stud Muffin Wanted

According to a magazine quiz, Karon is a Little Miss Goody Two-shoes. So what if she can only check off five "bad-girl" behaviors? Her friend Jacque convinces her to make her own sexy wish list. Mmm...#22, with a side of #9...and a whole lot of #1. Now all she needs is a stud.

Hunky Tristan has his own list -- and Karon's at the top. When he overhears her conversation, he wants to wrap his muscular arms around her luscious curves and slide his thick...well, now he just needs to convince her he's the man for the job. But when he does, they conquer every steamy move she desired...and add a few naughty tricks of their own.

RUTH D. KERCE
Virgin Seeks Bad-Ass Boy

Alice has been watching bad boy Caleb since he moved in. Tall, built, and irresistibly confident, he's perfect...for taking her virginity. One peek at him pounding away at a buxom blonde sprawled across his motorcycle, and Alice has been fantasizing -- her skirt flipped up, him taking her rough and hard from behind. So she marches right across the street and asks him. He refuses at first, but he's too impressed by her gutsiness, and too aroused by the idea of kissing her pouty lips and feeling her soft naked body writhing underneath him. If she wants passion, he'll give it to her...and much, much more.

• Sales Rank: #1547790 in Books
• Published on: 2008-03-18
• Released on: 2008-03-18
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Dimensions: 8.25" h x .70" w x 5.31" l,
• Binding: Paperback
• 240 pages

About the Author
Under her "real" name, Vonna Harper has published more fiction than she can keep track of. These include category romances for the major players as well as the 'juicy' stuff. She also penned a series of well-received Native American historicals. One earned her finalist status in both the Women Writing the West Willa award and Pacific Northwest Booksellers Association. Before discovering romances, both erotic and otherwise, Vonna 'confessed' all kinds of nonsense for the confession magazines. When asked about erotica research, she insists, "Of course I've time-traveled to the ancient Everglades, infiltrated bondage strongholds, done wilderness search and rescue, and spent a night trapped in a workout gym with Mr. Universe. How can I possibly write about something I haven't experienced?"

Ruth D. Kerce got hooked on writing in the fifth grade when she won a short story contest—a romance, of course. And she's been writing romance ever since. She writes several subgenres of romance—historical, contemporary, and futuristic. Her books are available online in many internet bookstores. Her short stories and articles are available on several websites. She has won or placed in writing contests and hopes to continue to write exciting tales for years to come.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

One

How strange it was to see a man in her garage, but if any man had a right to be there, it was Bryan Aster.

"Are you sure, Lara?" he asked, with his head under the pickup's raised hood. "It's in great shape. And with that low mileage, you could get several thousand more than I can pay you."

"I don't need it, and Spence wanted you to have it."

Bryan's big, rough fingers continued to grip the top of the hood, but she doubted if he was still looking at the truck's inner workings. Being this close to her husband's best friend was disconcerting in ways she didn't want to hold up to the light. Part of her wanted him to leave, but she'd spent so much time alone since Spence's death -- and even before. It was time to rejoin the land of the living and who better with than a man she'd known at least ten years?

"So you're going to move, are you?" He slammed the hood, rattling her nerves even more than they already were.

"I have to. I didn't tell Spence this, but it's in foreclosure. With the medical bills and his not being able to work and my having to take so much time off -- What's that look about?"

Bryan shrugged, the gesture taking her back to when they'd all been in college and he had held down the catcher's position on the school's baseball team during that incredible year when the team had won the state championship. "I wish you'd told me."

"Why?" She tried a mischievous smile, something she hadn't felt like doing in too long. "You been robbing banks and are now giving away your ill-gotten gains? Even if you were rich, I wouldn't want anything. I don't want to live here anymore."

Lifted eyebrows served as Bryan's response. How healthy he looked, tanned with a full head of dark hair, the faintest shadow of lines around his eyes and at the corners of his mouth. Funny, she'd never noticed that small dark mole on his right cheek, but maybe she'd never studied him like this before. Hadn't felt his energy before. "Do you think I should stay?" she asked.

"I want you to do what you want to, Lara. You're the only one who knows what's right."

Lara. Damn, why did the sound of her name coming from his lips make her nerves jump? "I'm still relearning what I want. Look, it's hot in here, and there's beer in the fridge."

"There is? I didn't think Spence was doing any drinking near the end."

"He wasn't. This is left over from one of the last times you came to see him. He asked me to pick up some."

Again, Bryan let silence do its work. He led the way back into the house, his movements as familiar as if he lived here. He didn't of course because he and Carol had a condo some two miles away, but he'd been here countless times and probably knew the place's creaks and groans as well as she did. Taking two beers out of the refrigerator, he popped the lid on one and handed it to her.

"I don't -- " she started, unable to take her eyes off his hand.

"Today you do. Come on, you always said you'd stoop to a beer if the day was hot enough. It's hot."

Yes, she acknowledged as they wandered into the air-conditioned living room and plunked themselves into adjacent recliners, summer had indeed arrived while she was too busy with the business of dying to pay attention. After briefly holding the can against her cheek, she took a sip. Wonderful!

His form filled the chair, shoulders scrunched a little to accommodate the inadequate space. Although he hadn't crouched behind home plate for years, he still carried himself as if he belonged there protecting his turf, battling for a win, daring a runner to knock him down.

"So," Bryan said, "do you know where you'll be moving to?"

"Not really. There's a fairly new apartment complex near work but after having my own house -- so much adjustment."

Once again Bryan didn't immediately respond. Had he always been like this around her, not quite comfortable? Or was she a painful reminder of the good friend he'd lost?

"You look tired," he said.

"Bryan, Bryan, don't you know men aren't supposed to say that to women? It's hardly a compliment. Besides, you're the one who looks tired."

"Hmm. You didn't get much sleep near the end, did you?"

"I'm making up for it now. In fact, I can't seem to get enough."

"Because you were neglecting yourself taking care of him."

"What choice did I have?" Shocked by her sharp tone, she leaned forward. When she took a breath, she caught a hint of male heat. "I'm sorry. I swore I wouldn't whine, and I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. When Spence decided to go off the chemo, I knew it wouldn't take long. Being there for him was something I had to do."

"You're an incredible woman."

No, she wasn't. What about the nights she'd spent beside Spence's bed wanting him to die so the inevitable would be over? What about the insane anger that swamped her every time she thought about the damn cigarettes that had started everything? Or thought about Spence's increasing dependence on her, his disinterest whenever she tried to tell him what was going on at work, or in the world, or with their finances?

"What?" Bryan asked.

Blinking, she brought the room, or more specifically him, back into focus. Lordy, but that T-shirt was tight! And the shadow of a beard over a strong male bone structure only added to her agitation. "Nothing. Just a moment of that self-pity I'm trying to outrun. It isn't getting me anywhere. So, how are things going for you and Carol? I don't remember seeing her at the funeral, but then, that day was pretty much a blur for me."

"I'm sure it was. Look, about the mortgage here. Do they know what you've been through? Maybe they'll give you some more time to work things out."

"They know, and they've been patient, but this is honestly what I want. Ah, about the truck. Do you mind waiting to take it until after I've moved? It'll make hauling things easier."

He'd been studying the beer can as if it was the most interesting thing in the room, but now he met her gaze with his beautiful deep blue eyes. "You know the answer to that."

Yes, she did. Bryan had always struck her as a giving man. She'd never seen so much as a hint of selfishness in him. If anything, he went too far to put others before himself, particularly Carol, who was more than a little self-absorbed.

"Just say when," he continued, "and I'll round up some guys and we'll do the actual moving. As long as you keep the instructions simple, we shouldn't make too much of a mess."

"Thank you." Laughing at his lighthearted approach, she pointed at a box near the TV. "I've started packing up some of the small stuff. You tell me, what am I going to do with all those tapes now that everything is DVD?"

"Get rid of them, unless there's a sentimental attachment."

Sentimental was hardly the word she'd use. She shouldn't have drawn his attention to that particular box. Good grief, what would he think if he read the titles? Bringing the beer to her lips, she took another swallow. "You're right. This does taste good."

"Hopefully it'll help you relax."

She stuck out her legs, then frowned because she couldn't remember when she'd last shaved them. And thanks to the old shorts, she had to admit her thighs were downright scrawny. All these years of watching her weight and now she'd gone and lost who knew how many pounds without being aware of it. When she looked up again, Bryan was studying not just her bare legs but everything about her, it seemed. Something zinged in her, a hot, crawling sensation. "What?"

"Sorry. I just...do you feel all right?"

"This, you mean?" She flattened a hand over her scrawny thigh. "Give me a little time. I'm sure I'll fill out again. That's something I've never had a problem doing."

"Starting tonight. I'm taking you out for dinner."

"You don't have -- "

"Not have to, want to."

The heat she didn't know what to do about became more intense, and although it might be less of a kick in the belly if she wasn't looking at him, she didn't drop her gaze. Reality 101 -- Bryan was turning her on.

Are you surprised? When's the last time you had sex?

Months, maybe a year. It wasn't that she hadn't thought about sex, far from it, but wanting and being able hadn't lived on the same planet.

"I, ah, thank you. What about the Roadhouse? The four of us used to love going there. Do you want to call Carol and -- "

"She won't be joining us."

At his tone, awareness of Bryan as a man tamped down a little. This wasn't about Carol working late or having another obligation. He was trying to tell her something important but didn't know how to do it. "Why not?"

Bryan rolled his can between his palms. Like her, he was leaning forward, the lines at the corners of his eyes and mouth more prominent than they'd been a few minutes before. "We've separated."

Although she'd suspected them, the simple words rendered her mute. She ached to walk over to him and hug him but didn't dare. And that ill-defined heat was returning, distracting her. "I'm sorry, so sorry."

"So am I. I didn't want to dump this on you. You have enough -- "

"You're my friend. I'm sorry I didn't know about this before."

He took another drink, then went back to rolling the can. "You couldn't have done anything about it, just as I couldn't make Spence well."

His truth hung between them. Had they once been fresh out of their teens with youth's optimism and ignorance and nothing to worry about except college grades and finances? Back then, those two realities had seemed pretty heavy, but in retrospect it had been nothing. "You're right. Do you want to talk about it?"

"Talk? No."

She'd expected that. After all, she and Bryan hadn't had one of those bare-your-soul conversations. Funny, she'd never thought about that before, but then she'd never been more aware of him than she was at this moment. "Something you said -- Carol didn't come to the funeral, did she?"

"No. Not because she didn't care, but she knew I'd be there."

"How complicated things become. Are you all right?"

He'd gone back to staring at her in that way that made her feel alive. The reclusive creature she'd turned into wanted to jump, to run out of the room and head for...

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Tired of feeling like your sex life has become boring? Frustrated that your sex drive isn't what it used to be? Do you really understand what your body needs to be sexually satisfied?

If you are like most women, figuring out exactly how to spice up your sex life can feel intimidating. Patty Brisben is here to help you learn the secrets behind your body's sexuality and revitalize your intimate relationship with your partner. As the founder of Pure Romance™, the nation's leading in-home party company specializing in romance and relationship enhancement products, Patty has been keeping women's sexual secrets for years. And now she wants to help you. She knows that it can be hard to get accurate, honest, compassionate answers to your most private of questions, but she also knows that if you give up on your sexuality, you're turning your back on an essential part of life.

The first step toward living your best sexual life is learning how to truly tune in to your body's sexual health, its needs, and all the factors that may be inhibiting you from feeling pleasure and sensation. Like no sex educator before, Patty finally offers information that will teach you how to overcome your insecurities, understand your libido, and learn the ins and outs of orgasm.

Once you reconnect with your sexual self, then you can let your partner in on the fun. With Patty's step-by-step guidelines, you can transform your intimate relationship, infusing it with novelty, passion, and pleasure. You will find tips that have helped thousands of women find the right lubricant, introduce a bedroom accessory to their relationship, and expand their notions of orgasm, intercourse, and massage. Using Patty's time-tested techniques, you and your partner will reconnect and reignite your relationship -- forever!

Throughout Pure Romance Between the Sheets, Patty answers questions from real women, covering the full range of common sexual concerns, from the connection between birth control and sex drive to how common medications can impact arousal, and why lubricants and other enhancement products can literally resuscitate sexual desire and pleasure.

Pure Romance Between the Sheets will give you the knowledge and confidence to live the fuller, healthier, and more sexually satisfying life that you deserve.

• Sales Rank: #1266250 in Books
• Brand: Brand: Atria Books
• Published on: 2008-08-05
• Released on: 2008-08-05
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Dimensions: 8.44" h x .90" w x 5.50" l, 1.00 pounds
• Binding: Hardcover
• 256 pages

Features

• Used Book in Good Condition

About the Author
Patty Brisben is the CEO and founder of Pure Romance™, the nation's fastest-growing inhome direct sales company specializing in relationship enhancement products, intimacy education, and sexual health awareness. With over twenty-five years of experience working with women, she now leads tens of thousands of consultants who are touching the lives of women and couples nationwide. A mother of four, she divides her time between Cincinnati, Ohio, and Naples, Florida.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
Pure Romance Between the Sheets

CHAPTER ONE

Under the Covers
Getting into Your Comfort Zone about Sex

FOR YEARS NOW, I have been keeping women’s sexual secrets. They trust me with their questions, their fears, and their stories—and I take this trust to heart. I understand that talking about sex can make some women feel uncomfortable, but it doesn’t have to. In fact, if we take the subject from behind closed doors and treat it with the respect and the care it deserves, we will do ourselves a big favor. We will also get much closer to one of my goals: to make sex—and talking about sex—a natural part of the web of life—something completely normal, special, and fun!

Why do most women trust me when it comes to anything sexual? For two reasons: First, for more than two decades, I’ve been on the front lines, working with women (initially as a sales consultant and later as the founder of Pure Romance) to provide advice on safe sexual practices and how to become more intimate with their partners. Second, in my newer role as a national speaker, I make a point of speaking about sex as if I were talking about any other subject— the weather, the perfect pair of high heels, or my dream vacation. I believe that by making sex an approachable, natural subject worthy of a conversation, I can show women how much they can gain from becoming more comfortable around the topic. I want them—and you—to know that the more you learn about your own body and how you respond to stimulation; the more you understand how lubricants can relieve dryness and enhance pleasure; the more you see how introducing a simple bedroom accessory can lead you to experience deeper sensation, more pleasure, or your first orgasm; and the more you gain insight into how to reconnect with your partner so you can enjoy one another again—the more you will feel grounded, satisfied, and fulfilled in your life.

It’s our right as women to own our sexuality—and it’s also our responsibility. Our sexuality has the power to be an intense source of pleasure throughout our lives. How can I be so sure of this? Because after twenty-five years of sharing sexual information with women, I have seen thousands transformed by this knowledge. I’ve watched hundreds of women leave a Pure Romance party, saying, “I didn’t know it was going to be like this” or “I didn’t know I was missing so much” or “I didn’t know sex could be so easy and so fun!” Surprise, elation, and determination ring in their voices. And that’s what keeps me going. That, and wanting to reach more and more women.

This book offers something for every one of you. If you are seeking information about how to become aroused, what to do if you frequently feel dry or irritated, or how to subtly introduce a lubricant or bedroom toy—you will find both the know-how and the insight in these pages. And whatever situation you’re in right now—newly married or newly divorced, recently widowed or still single, just given birth or facing an illness or surgery—you will discover the secret to your comfort zone so that you can become the confident, caring lover you always knew you could be.



I am making only one request: that you consider the significance and the importance of your sexuality in terms of who you are. Don’t compare yourself to your friends, your sisters, your mother, or your daughter. Simply get to know your body, your mind, your sexuality. My challenge to you is this: Would you rather embrace this powerful dimension of what makes you a woman and let it lead you to a wonderful, full life or let it stay hidden and untapped, weighing you down in body and spirit?

In the pages that follow, I want you to open yourself to the possibility of embarking on this fun, fantastic adventure, one in which you will get to know yourself better—physically, emotionally, and sexually. Yes, you will learn some great tips and techniques that can resuscitate a relationship that’s lost its spark and drive you and your partner wild, but more than that, you will come away with greater insight and confidence in your sexuality and the central place it should have in your life.
How Do You Think About Sex?
For many women, even bringing up the subject of sex makes them shut down. Most of the time this is related to their background and how they first learned—or didn’t learn—about sex. Women who were raised in an environment where sex was taboo or treated as shameful often have a hard time letting go of those negative feelings. This may sound obvious, but I can’t tell you how many women treat their sexuality as a negative thing, hiding from it themselves or keeping it hidden from others. They are blocked from truly embracing their sexuality because they judge it as something bad, dirty, or morally wrong. As Pam, a forty-two-year-old mother of two, said to me, “My parents never mentioned the word ‘sex,’ and I was just too afraid to ask any questions. I just assumed sex was a topic you weren’t supposed to talk about.”

When I visited Indiana University on my first college tour, I had a remarkable experience with a woman who wasn’t aware that she actually had negative associations with sex. Dr. Michael Reece, a professor and director of the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University, and part of our research team at Pure Romance, had assembled over four hundred students for my presentation. Before the seminar, the students had been asked to complete a rather explicit survey about their sexual interests and behaviors. They were asked such questions as: “Have you ever gone into an adult bookstore? If so, did you purchase any adult toys? Have you used one with yourself? Have you ever shopped online? Have you ever had an orgasm?”

Before introducing me to the assembled students, Dr. Reece delivered some of the results from the survey: “Seventy-eight percent of you said you shopped online or had been to an adult store; 32 percent bought a bedroom toy, etc.” Then Dr. Reece asked whether the audience was interested in learning more about sex and toys. Everyone gave a resounding “Yes!” (I’m sure they also knew the founder of Pure Romance was about to take the stage!) Next, he said, “I have one final question. Do you think learning about sex and thinking about buying bedroom toys contributes to society?”

One woman raised her hand immediately and said, “I don’t think there is any reason for sex toys of any kind. They simply demoralize women and there is no need for such products.”

A bit of silence followed and then I walked to the podium. I began as I often do by asking how many of them ever took medicine when they get a cold or the flu. Most hands shot up. I then asked if they were aware that over-the-counter antihistamines not only closed and dried up their nasal passages but also the lubrication that is natural to their other orifices (i.e., the sex organs!). Most people just shook their heads. Next, I asked how many of them often felt stressed before an exam, returning home after a semester away, or even managing the balance between a job and school. Most hands again shot up. “Did you know that any kind of stress can also make your body dry and make it difficult for you to respond sexually? And that by introducing a lubricant, you can immediately and profoundly change the experience of sex?” Heads began nodding in understanding. Finally I asked, “And how many of you would like to know more about finding your partner’s hot spot of pleasure? Would you like to know more about what turns you on and gets you aroused? Did you know that by introducing certain bedroom accessories you can find out this information quickly and easily? Have you ever wondered why there are hundreds of varieties of shampoo and conditioners? Because we are all different—with different likes and dislikes, different needs and desires. The same rule applies to lubricants and bedroom accessories.”

At the end of my presentation, while I was lingering at the front of the enormous room, I looked up and saw the woman who had first raised her hand barreling down the aisle. I admit, I was actually a bit scared. Dr. Reece moved closer to me as if to protect me. But when she was close enough for me to see her face, I knew what had happened. She grabbed my hand and said, “Thank you so much! You have changed my mind. I didn’t know I was so uncomfortable about sex—I thought I had it all together. Before, I thought lubricants and sex toys were for ‘other’ kinds of women. But the way you describe them, I see now how incredibly helpful—and enjoyable—they can be. I didn’t realize I had so much to learn. I feel like my world has opened up.”

Dr. Reece turned to me and said, “I can offer a ton of information, but I can’t change a person’s point of view like you just did.”

In one two-hour presentation, this woman had accomplished a major shift in her thinking. Instead of judging the subject matter of the talk (and probably the speaker as well!) and rejecting the possibility that she might actually enjoy herself, she succeeded in opening her mind to learning about herself and what she wanted. In place of negative thoughts and a closed mind, she now had a desire to explore. And that’s what I want to instill in you.

Not every one of you will want to run out and get a vibrator (though by the end of this book, you might just be persuaded!) or learn how to resuscitate your relationship in twenty-four hours, but if you simply open your mind and your heart to the possibility that you don’t already know everything about your sexuality, then you will be giving yourself a remarkable gift: the gift of learning something new about yourself that can lead to a richer, fuller, more meaningful life.
Eyes Wide Open
Although I adjust my presentations according to who is in my audience—whether that be college-age women (and men), women in their thirties, forties, and fifties who are juggling marriage, careers, and kids, or whether I am talking to a vulnerable yet proud group of cancer survivors, my goal is always the same: to help them become aware that there is a lot that they can do to make their sexual experience both more fulfilling and more pleasurable. And that the more they know about what can change and what they can add to their experience, the more in control and empowered they will feel.

That is what learning about sex can do for you, too. It can open all the doors of your life. And this is as true for young, college-age women as it is for more mature women. Like Mariam, a thirty-something mother of a pair of twins, who approached me after a Pure Romance party. I had watched her throughout the evening, and although she had smiled and laughed with the rest of the group, she also hung back, appearing reluctant to jump into the party spirit. Near the end of the evening, I wasn’t surprised to find her standing by my side.

“Patty,” Mariam said quietly, “I’ve been married almost ten years and my relationship with my husband has gotten really bad. He thinks I’m frigid.” And she began to cry.

I quickly consoled her, saying, “First off, I doubt that’s the case if you’re here tonight. Why don’t you tell me what’s been going on?”

It turns out that after her two sons were born, Mariam had started to feel more and more uncomfortable about sex. It was almost as if she felt bad when she was being sexual, that it would somehow make her a bad mother. At first, her husband was sympathetic and gave her lots of room, thinking it was just a “phase.” But almost six years later, he had lost his patience and his feelings of sympathy had turned to anger and frustration.

“He knows I came here tonight, but I think he’s given up hope. I’m afraid he’s going to leave me.”

Mariam’s situation is much more common than you might think. Here was a woman in her physical prime, with some understanding of how things had veered off track in her sexual relationship, but she didn’t know how to set things right. I could tell that she and her husband had not fallen out of love, but rather that she had lost touch with herself. I asked Mariam if she thought of herself as a sexual person and her response was “sort of.” I understood that to mean, “I don’t know what it is to be a sexual person.” I then asked her a few more questions about her background and discovered, not surprisingly, that she had been raised in a fairly conservative household. “We never talked about sex. And my parents didn’t seem close—they were never affectionate with each other,” Mariam explained.

When I asked her how sexuality fit into her life, she said quietly, “I just don’t think about it very much.”

“Would you like to be more sexual?” I knew I was going out on a limb, but I felt it was very important for Mariam to recognize that though she came from a family that had a negative, judgmental view of sexuality and may not have been loving in a physical way, she had a choice—a choice to have a different relationship with her husband.

“Yes, I would,” she said, smiling a bit nervously.

When I saw that smile—and I get a lot of smiles—I knew that she had begun her own journey of truly owning her sexuality. Sometimes all we need is a gentle push to open up and share our story or our feelings or experiences. But that first step is essential. I admired the courage it took Mariam to say “Yes” and I admired the confidence she was beginning to build. Before we went our separate ways, I offered Mariam some suggestions for how to learn more about herself sexually (you’ll learn more about this later in the chapter), and then I drove home my main point: You’ve got to give yourself permission to be sexual. Nothing could be healthier for your family than your children knowing that their parents are truly and joyously connected—in every way.

Let me share another story about how, no matter how deeply rooted one’s negative attitude toward sex may be, there is still the possibility to change. Lynette (her real name) was a fifty-something woman from Wisconsin who for twenty-five years had been active in her church, even serving as the leader of its choir. For a quarter of a century, her entire life had revolved around the church. As she said, “My life has been about serving wherever I can.” But after suffering through a brain tumor and also watching a dear friend struggle unsuccessfully against breast cancer, Lynette risked her ties to her church because of how deeply moved she was by her new mission to serve as a Pure Romance consultant. As she described so boldly in a letter to us, she could not help her friend, “But it wasn’t too late for me.” After being introduced to a Pure Romance consultant, she realized “I was too embarrassed to talk about sex to anyone, even my doctor. I just wasn’t comfortable discussing that area of my life…. But I was so impressed by the consultant’s compassion toward women, I found myself telling her things that I never discussed with anyone else. She immediately suggested that I try one of the bedroom accessories, and I did and it changed my life. It was as if I finally gave myself permission to think of myself as a sexual person.”

Lynette became a Pure Romance consultant because, as she said, “I felt given what both my girlfriend and I went through, then there must be loads of people who are looking for the information that can help them.” And when Lynette was asked to leave her church and give up her role as choir leader, she said this: “My dedication to service kicked in again, and I believed that I could do a job that was actually helping people…. My focus is to educate women with information they seek, … and when people tell me how [I have helped] them strengthen their marriage, that is the greatest reward.”

Obviously you don’t have to become a Pure Romance consultant to benefit from the information in this book; nor do you have to buy a single product. All you need to do is embrace the power and wisdom the women in these pages have to offer you.

Intimacy Issue #1—“Don’t Touch Yourself.”

Many of us have heard this refrain from our mothers, fathers, or siblings, or we say it to ourselves. It’s time to banish those chastising voices in your head once and for all! Remember Lynette’s story? It’s never too early—or too late—to give yourself permission to explore your body and understand your sexuality more fully.

Clare is a perfect example of a woman who is so distant from her sexuality that she had never felt lust or sexual desire—never mind turned on enough to experience an orgasm. Working with her Pure Romance consultant, she slowly but surely opened the door of her sexuality and found a passionate, eager woman inside. But this process took a while. As Clare said, “I had never ever touched myself. I was brought up to believe that it was just plain wrong. So when I got married, I had no idea what I liked. I just assumed sex was something I did for my husband. It was my duty as a wife. But when a friend of mine invited me to a Pure Romance party, I went along—really just to be a good friend. At first, when the women started discussing vibrators and other bedroom accessories, I thought they were crazy. I felt so uncomfortable I wanted to run out of the room. But other women at the party were sharing their stories of how much their lives—and their relationships—had changed. So I bought a small vibrator and tried using it that afternoon—when my husband was still at work and the kids were not yet home from school. I know this sounds completely unbelievable, but I had never felt so great. I think my first orgasm was a complete accident! I have never felt so excited in my life, and learning to be more open in this way has literally changed my marriage.”

Getting in touch with your sexuality is not as simple as turning on a faucet. It’s about making a commitment to explore yourself, your desires, and how you respond to stimulation—in all ways. It can take time, but it’s a process that can lead you to enormous pleasure. As you will see in the next chapter, one of the first steps to learning more about yourself is masturbation.

Your Comfort Zone
When women give themselves permission to be sexual, they have the key to finding and defining their comfort zone. So whether you are a woman whose challenge is getting back in touch with yourself after childbirth or you’ve never fully understood or appreciated the role of sexuality in your life, you can learn to give yourself permission to value and honor this important part of who you are. If you are in your twenties, then you have your whole life ahead of you! Do you know how many women would have killed for this information when they were twenty-five?! As Gwynne, twenty-eight, said, “I am so much more confident knowing what my choices are.”

In order to find your comfort zone about sex, you must give yourself permission to learn—about yourself, first of all. And what do I mean exactly by finding your comfort zone? I mean feeling at ease with your sexual needs and desires; being comfortable in your own skin; comfortable talking about your sexuality with your partner or best friend; comfortable asking a new partner to use protection and practice safe sex; and comfortable finding out how to take care of your sexual health.

Some women operate outside their comfort zone because they simply never learned enough about sex and were taught that “good” girls should not be curious about it. Others married young and quickly had children, and they never bothered or found the time to investigate this side of themselves. I want you to come to the realization that curiosity is healthy and necessary—it’s not only a goal but also an attitude that will uncover so many wonderful things during the course of your life.
Let Me Introduce You to Your Sexual Self
Like many things that make us grow, there is a process involved in truly understanding your sexuality. And you need to be clear on where you’ve been to know where you want to go. So as you begin to think about who you are, sexually speaking, consider these questions:

1. When was your first sexual experience?

2. Was it positive or negative? Pleasurable or painful?

3. Where or from whom did you learn about sex?

4. Did you experiment with self stimulation?



5. Have you ever experienced sex without your consent?

6. Do you ever experience pain with sex?

7. Do you like sex or do you go “go through the motions”?

8. Have you ever had a completely wonderful experience during sex?

9. Have you ever had an orgasm?

10. If you are in a relationship, do you feel that your partner understands you sexually?

There are no right or wrong answers to these questions. There are simply your answers. By answering these questions, you are focusing your attention on your own sexual experience. And when was the last time you gave it any thought? Most of us spend our days running around, balancing work with taking care of kids or partners, pets, elderly parents, or all of the above. Once the day is done, dinner’s over, and the kitchen cleaned up, the last thing on our minds is sex! Who has the time or the energy?

I always tell women this: If you’re going to participate in sex, you should enjoy it. So this book is not about overthinking your sexuality; it’s about making it simple—and making it better. Use the questions above as a guide to helping you discern where you’ve been in terms of your sexuality and where you are now. Then, slowly but surely, open that door to new ways to think about your sexuality.

The truth of the matter is that if we spend some quiet time just with ourselves and begin to become more aware of our sexuality, we will be more in control of how we approach our sexuality. We can learn to make vital decisions about what we want and what we need. For instance, if your response to the first question was, “I first had sex when I was seventeen,” and you are now in your mid-thirties, do you know that your body has changed dramatically over the intervening fifteen-plus years? If you answered the second question by saying that your first sexual encounter was “pleasurable,” then good for you! For many women, the first sexual experience tends to be not only frightening but also painful. These early experiences can have a profound impact on how we think about sex. As one woman told me, “I first had sex when I was sixteen. My boyfriend kept pressuring me and pressuring me, so I finally gave in. I didn’t really know what I was doing, but looking back, I think having sex so early made it difficult for me to trust men. I always thought about sex as something they wanted—it had nothing to do with me. It wasn’t until I married and my husband was gentle and kind and really wanted me to feel pleasure that I began to enjoy sex. Before, I just went through the motions and wanted it to be over.”

Do you know how many women tell me that sex is merely “going through the motions”? Thousands! Which means that thousands of women think of sex as routine, boring, one-sided, and/or painful. The bottom line is this: too many women are not enjoying sex. This in turn means that they are uninvolved or disconnected from their sexual experience. This kind of detachment occurs for many reasons. Some women withdraw from their partners because they are angry or hurt, or both. Some women withdraw because sexual intimacy makes them feel too vulnerable. This type of reaction is usually related to a painful or traumatic situation in the past, which for many women can have a lasting impact that closes them off from sex psychologically, emotionally, and physically.

My point? That by becoming aware of and understanding our early sexual experiences—positive or negative—we give ourselves the opportunity to update our view of ourselves. If your first sexual experience was unpleasant, that shouldn’t mean sex has to remain an unpleasant part of your life. Far from it. By understanding what happened in the past and how you’d like things to be different today and in the future, you can change your experience. If, on the other hand, your early experiences with sex were positive, that’s fantastic! But you can still learn more—and enjoy more—by exploring your sexual self. Do you really want to go through life missing out on such an important part of who you are?

These questions are also asking you to be honest about where you are now in terms of your sexuality. If you are in a relationship, are you happy, satisfied, and well taken care of sexually? If your response was a quick and easy “yes,” then get ready to discover many new ways to enhance your intimacy with your partner. If, however, you hesitated to respond, or if a resounding “no!” echoed in your ears, then you need to acknowledge the truth about your situation and consider what you can change. I remember one evening at the end of a Pure Romance party, when fifty-two-year old Connie finally reached her own breaking point. All evening, she had been the life of the party, entertaining the other women with the stories about how much her husband wants her all the time. But as soon as she came into the confidential Ordering Room, she broke down in front of me and started sobbing. Despite her bravado and big personality, Connie was miserable.

“You don’t know what my life is like,” she cried.

“So tell me,” I encouraged her.

“My husband has no interest in me at all,” she said. “We never have sex.”



It was clear that Connie had put up a charade to cover her pain and disappointment in her husband and her marriage. I suggested that she buy some products for herself first. Before she could figure out what she could change in her relationship, she needed to take responsibility for herself, and that included reconnecting with her sexual self. (You will find more information on what bedroom accessories are right for you in Chapter 8.)

This is often the first step to finding your sexual comfort zone. We tend to jump too fast to “save” or “fix” our relationship, when what we really need is to get back on track with ourselves. Another story comes to mind. This situation took place at an end-ofthe-year Pure Romance party back in the early days when I felt a lot of pressure to sell products. I was a single mom with four growing kids and the financial pressure was on. In the confidential Ordering Room, Gail, a pretty, thirty-something woman, ordered an array of products—pretty much one of everything. From a sales perspective I was thrilled.

As I filled in her information, we began talking and I asked Gail if she was planning an anniversary or some special surprise for her husband. She nodded a bit shyly and then told me her story: a few months back, she was desperate to try and fix her relationship. Her husband had mentioned a fantasy he had about having a threesome. Instead of taking that as a signal that they should begin thinking outside of the box and find new ways to spice up their relationship, Gail took the fantasy literally and felt that by doing something a bit “outrageous,” she and her husband might re-find the sexual spark between them, so she arranged a threesome with her best friend and her husband at a cabin in the woods.

Unfortunately, the only outrageous thing that happened was that her husband and her girlfriend began their own private affair. Now, Gail was trying woo her husband back by wowing him with some bedroom accessories.

“What have I done?” she said.

I looked at her and said, “Do you want to try these products?” When she hesitated and then explained she was doing it “for her husband,” I scooped up all the items on the table and said, “I don’t want you to buy these. They are not going to save your marriage. Why don’t you buy a couple of things for yourself and take the money and spend it on professional help for you and your husband.”

Although a part of me was sad to see a big sale go by, it was more important to me that Gail understood what had happened. She had moved out of her comfort zone and not only didn’t help her relationship but undermined herself. So as you consider where you are now in your relationship or within yourself, think about what is right for you—and never undermine or betray yourself.

If you have ever been victimized or traumatized sexually, it’s important that you receive the help you need. The American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT) is a trusted source for finding a therapist or counselor in your area who will help you work through any kind of trauma or abuse. Contact www.aasect.org for more information.
Sex Is an Inside Thing
In my travels, women come up to me asking and sometimes begging for advice on how to turn on their man, how to have simultaneous orgasms, or how to give mind-blowing oral sex. And most of the time, I say, “Okay, but slow down, already!” Sure, great sex and becoming a great lover is about technique. But only partly. It’s also about going inside yourself and being fully present. It’s about letting yourself become aware of every inch of your body and paying attention to how your body responds to touch, to music, to kissing, to whatever is happening to or around you.

It’s hard to tell people how to get inside themselves. When you’re having an orgasm, it’s about creating a bubble in which you pay attention to what is building and close your eyes so you can appreciate all the feelings. When you’re with your partner, it’s about feeling his body against your skin, his sweat dripping onto you, and letting yourself get into the sensuality of sex. It’s also about giving that same attention to your partner. Are you watching, listening to, and feeling how he responds when you touch him?

Try something right now. Close your eyes and let yourself travel. Imagine yourself on a beach. Can you feel the soft breeze on your face, your arms? Can you feel the sand between your toes? Can you hear the rhythm of the waves as the surf comes in? Can you smell the salty air? If you are able to let your mind travel, and if you are able to imagine the above sensual experiences, then you can certainly bring that same level of attention and heightened awareness to your lovemaking. Having wonderful sex is much more about being fully engaged in what you are doing than it is about any technique you can perform.

This is especially true for women, for whom arousal is much more complex and varied than it is for men (you’ll learn more about arousal in the next chapter). Some women conjure up an image of a dream man touching and pleasuring them. Other women create a fantasy map of their bodies, in which they go on a treasure hunt of pleasure, imagining each of their favorite spots being touched or caressed. Some women need something more physical to get them aroused—whether that means touching themselves, using a vibrator, or having their partner touch or stimulate them in a particular way. But regardless of precisely how you get aroused, you need to experience this arousal inside—by paying attention with your mind.

Whether or not you’re in a relationship, it’s important to start with yourself—romance yourself, I like to say. Once you form this bond with yourself, you automatically lay the groundwork for intimacy—first with yourself and then with your partner.

ASK PATTY:

A Small Question

Hello Patty,

I’m kind of embarrassed to ask you this, but I figure you would be best since we don’t know each other. I am a twenty-five-year-old female and I don’t know whether or not I’ve climaxed, reached the big “O”, or experienced this so-called out-of-body feeling. Numerous people say I need to start masturbating to figure out what it takes and how it feels. However, I’ve had partners who have told me that I have climaxed, and I’ve seen the puddles/ejaculation from myself. But I have never felt that out-of-body, earth-shattering feeling. Do you think I’m looking too much into it, or expecting too much from an orgasm? If anything, can you recommend a toy that will help me masturbate & orgasm? I’ve never really done it before, but I’m trying to overcome my insecurities about it.

Thank you!

Dear Small Question:

First of all, if you don’t think you’ve had an orgasm, then you probably haven’t. But more importantly, it’s up to you to decide and define your own sexual experience. Just because a partner tells you that you’ve climaxed doesn’t mean it’s true.

Your girlfriends are probably right: masturbation is a private way for you to learn more about yourself. Find a quiet, safe time and place and experiment with a vibrator or bullet. One of the best ways to learn to orgasm is through self-pleasuring, which is not only a completely personal way to get to know yourself, it can also be enormously satisfying. I can’t stress to you enough that you define your own sexual experience—orgasm or not.

Truly,

Patty
Change Is Everything
Sex changes. We change. Relationships change. Our bodies change. If we don’t accept this fact of life, then we set ourselves up for unrealistic expectations in all areas of our lives. The women I work with who have the most difficulty finding—or refinding— their comfort zone are usually struggling with change: They need to remain open to change and be ready for it one way or another. Amy is one of my favorite product vendors and a woman I consider one of my closest friends. She was widowed about five years ago when her husband died of a brain tumor. During a girlfriends’ weekend in Miami, I asked her, “So have you begun dating?”

She shook her head no, and said, “I just can’t even wrap my head around it. I don’t think enough time has passed.”

Deciding when you are ready to resume dating is an entirely personal decision, but I did want to start talking about intimacy issues.

So I said, “You’re telling me you haven’t had any sex or penetration?”

“No,” she said.

“Well, did you know that if you don’t use it, you might just lose it?” I asked her gently.

Amy looked shocked. Here was a woman who thought she knew everything there was to know about her sexuality, and yet she didn’t really understand that her sexual plumbing, so to speak, could stop functioning from mere lack of use. Essentially if a woman goes too long without using her sexual muscles (more on this later!) or being sexually active—either with a partner or on her own—then her vaginal walls can literally collapse, causing not only pain but an inability to become aroused or orgasm.

It was clear to me that it would take more time before Amy felt ready to date again. But I sent her a bedroom toy with some heartfelt suggestions on how being intimate with herself could really benefit her body and her mind. She called me a few weeks later, saying, “I not only owe you at least three dinners the next time we get together, I owe you so much more—I feel alive again!”



We know our bodies change day to day month to month, year to year. What we often are not aware of is how these changes impact our sexuality. Amy was still a vibrant woman in her early fifties. Did she want to sacrifice her sexuality for the rest of her days? Not on her life. But she needed some gentle encouragement and some knowledge.
It’s up to You
Finding your comfort zone about sex is also about knowing your boundaries and limits. Never let anyone pressure you to do or try something that makes you feel uncomfortable. And don’t let a partner make you feel guilty—sex is something to engage in respectfully.

When we stay open to learning about sex, ourselves, and our partners, we allow for wonderful, magical possibilities. At its most basic level, sex is about pleasure and release. It’s not about taking notes or memorizing techniques. It’s about getting to know yourself, paying attention, and then following your intuition— wherever that may lead!

Sexuality is a big part of who we are as human beings. It’s written into our DNA, it’s a driving force, and it can be a source of enormous pleasure. If this part of you is not nurtured and stimulated, your health suffers—there are mental, emotional, and physical consequences to denying or suppressing your sexuality. So let’s throw outdated, harmful myths right out the window! Being a sexually active, aware woman does not mean that you are “bad” or “naughty”—it simply means you are alive.

One of my top consultants loves to say at Pure Romance parties, “I want to save one vagina at a time!” She’s not on a mission to make women into sex machines—in fact, quite the opposite. She wants women simply to open up to who they are and to this important, life-sustaining part of themselves. Taking care of your sexuality is the most deeply personal way to take care of yourself—and your relationship—and the bonus is that it can be tons of fun too!

Most helpful customer reviews

9 of 9 people found the following review helpful.
A Must Read
By S. Mitchell
"Pure Romance Between The Sheets" is a must read for everyone - singles, men, women, couples and parents. This book brings a voice of reason to the highly-charged and emotional topic of sexuality. I am a man who is very happy that my wife embraces the well thought-out, researched and sound perspectives of this book. For too long personal sexual fulfillment has lingered in the shadows of public discourse. This book can help bring some sanity to the topic of female sexuality and fulfillment. My wife has read it, I have read it and my high school children will read it as well. Too often we ignore this topic with our children and imply that sex is bad by our silence. Only to turn around a few short years later and send them into a marriage ignorant or worse - thinking sex is bad. We owe it to ourselves to embrace this aspect of ourselves. We owe it to our children to prepare them for a fulfilling and vibrant relationship with their future spouse. Patty Brisben has put forth a great book to help us all on that road.

6 of 6 people found the following review helpful.
A must have for people in love
By Dana Dyer Pierson
This is an amazing book, filled with all sorts of helpful, medically accurate advice and information for people in sexual relationships. Pure Romance understands that sex is about more than intercourse: This book explains how to really improve the QUALITY of your sex and your relationship. This would make an amazing wedding gift or anniversary gift.

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful.
Pure romance
By Steve Richards
This book is a must read for anyone who's ever been in a relationship. You'll also find satisfying suggestions that will help you get back in touch with your sensuality. And, you'll also find ways to spice up your sex life and discover your personal intimacy style.
Other GREAT recommendation about relationships, romance, love and sexuality: I Love You. Now What?: Falling in Love is a Mystery, Keeping It Isn't and sex:

See all 23 customer reviews...

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